LET THE INVASION BEGIN!

“Invasion Of Alien Bikin” opens with Young-Gun in a yellow rain coat ( and a fabulous mustache I might add ), sprinting through the streets of South Korea, hot on the heels of a half-naked man. When he finally catches up to his target, we realize that he’s been chasing some sort of strange body snatching entity. Hmmm… an invading alien, perhaps? Anyway, they brawl for two seconds and… surprise!… flashback… ( note to filmmakers: flashbacking in the first 5 minutes of your movie is risky, I know it worked for ”Fight Club” but not everybody is David Fincher )

So, we flashback to the day our mustached hero, Young-Gun ( Hong Young-Geun ), met his damsel in distress, Monica ( Eun-Jung Ha ). He’s riding in his yellow Hyundai-mobile, sometimes picking up trash or recycling along the way. She’s fleeing her attackers when he pops out of nowhere and diffuses the situation. Yep. That simple. Until she faints. He now has no choice but to take her to his apartment, where things start to get frisky.

Young-Gun turns out to be a virgin crime-fighter. Self-proclaimed protector of the city, he’s also pretty good at concocting weird potions. You know the type… he’s the guy that makes you laugh just by looking at him. You know, the one you can’t beat in a staring contest. Everything he does feels like slapstick comedy so the situations he finds himself in are far from dramatic. That is, until the second half of the story…

It sometimes gets painfully awkward to watch this flick. But then it manages to make you laugh with something completely silly like getting blindsided by a angry spinal column. “Eillion Bikini” is not without charm, but it certainly is without depth. The best element it has going for itself is the drop dead gorgeous Eun-Jung Ha. Her character is in heat so that makes her all the more easy on the eyes.

Monica is on the prowl for some virgin spunk ( that’s semen for all you non-slang-using moviegoers, not spirit ). And believe me, it’s not a game of Jenga that’s going to change her mind. She’s bringing to the table: muscle-relaxing-sperm-producing back massages; Kama Sutra positions to revitalize the body once you’ve spent your…energy; and a feather duster to rub against your skin, or shove up your behind, in case of a lack of enthusiasm. That’s a determined woman right there… or is it?

By then, the film takes a few sudden turns and without really knowing why or how, you’ve just landed in the middle of themes like torture and necrophilia. Very bizarre… and that falls squarely on the director’s shoulders. I blame him for guiding the actors to a place where comedy isn’t fun anymore, and where what happens from one moment to the next doesn’t really drive the film forward. Imagination will only take the mind so far before poor plot choices brings it back to reality.

This film feels like someone missed his deadline, then took two mediocre, unfinished stories and crammed them together. The result: an even more mediocre, unfinished mess of a story. There’s definitely a film out there. But it’s one to avoid.

TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLqw6oU7eMk