“Bodyguard Kiba – Apocalypse of Carnage 2” (I will refer to it as “Bodyguard Kiba 3” from now on) may be the ground zero of Takashi Miike’s oeuvre. There is nothing to whitewash this time. The third and final part of the Bodyguard Kiba franchise cannot score on any level.

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But before I continue my rant, let’s start with a quick overview of the story. Like in the second part, the story takes place in Taiwan, where a young actress is in need of protection. Therefore, her producer contacts the Karate Daito and they send Ryo, who used to be the villain in “Bodyguard Kiba 2”. Now he has switched sides and is a buddy of Kiba. Ryo is the main character and supersedes Kiba as the hero. So actually this movie should be called “Bodyguard Ryo”. Because besides a few short dialogue scenes, Kiba himself is not present on the screen.

The actress is threatened by her old patron, who cannot get over their break-up. He teams up with Mr. Wang, the Chinese villain of “Bodyguard Kiba 2”, who is still out for the guys of Karate Daito. So, there is not much new to the story and Miike also uses the same cast as in the two previous films.

“Bodyguard Kiba 3” is based on a script by Hisao Maki, who also contributed to the other “Bodyguard Kiba” scripts. Unfortunately, he didn’t learn how to write a good script in the meantime. The characters are shallow and almost every situation seems staged. Speaking of staged. One of the most annoying things about this movie is the horrible dialogue. Obviously, the actors aren’t capable of speaking English, so they just learned their sentences by heart and imitate the tonality of the words. It is near to impossible to understand what they say. The accents are the major downfall of “Bodyguard Kiba 3”. The fake voices overshadow the whole plot and the movie completely loses its decency due to the fact that not a single word out of the actor’s mouths is meant genuine.

What do we have so far? A corny plot, phony acting and a movie that misses its name giver. Well, there is also a soundtrack straight out of a 90s porn and a pretty bad copy of the “Reservoir Dogs” opening scene. Latter is a rather funny surprise. In comparison to the first two films, “Bodyguard Kiba 3”, has a single entertaining fight sequence, where Ryo hits the window of a driving car. That scene lasts about 10 seconds and is as thrilling as it gets because there are close to none action sequences in the whole movie.

“Bodyguard Kiba 3” is probably the worst cooperation between Miike and Maki. It is a 74-minute disaster and a bad example of how not to work with foreign actors. The final part makes you appreciate the first two films and proves that no matter how low you think the bar was set, there is always a chance that someone or something can underbid that level. Dear die-hard Takashi Miike fan, please skip this one.