While South Korea is considered relatively progressive compared to some other Asian countries, it still faces significant challenges in achieving full equality and acceptance for LGBTQIA+ individuals, who often face discrimination, prejudice, and social ostracism, leading many to conceal their sexual orientation or gender identity. Despite the challenges, there is a growing LGBTQIA+ rights movement in South Korea, with activists and advocacy groups working to promote equality, raise awareness, and challenge discriminatory laws and practices. One of these organizations is the Parents, Families and Allies of LGBTQIA+ People in Korea (PFLAG), a non-profit group supporting sexual minorities.
PREMIERING VIA VOD & LEADING DIGITAL OUTLETS ON MARCH 22, 2024
“Coming to You” focuses on Vivian and Nabi, two mothers of, respectively, gay young man Yejoon and transgender Hankyeol (they/them), and both activists in their own right as members of PFLAG Korea. Director Gyuri Byun discretely stays behind the camera and leaves images and dialogues unravel the narration. Jumping from flight attendant Vivian to veteran firefighter and divorced single mum Nabi, we learn from their own voice the distress and surprise that came with the coming out of their children. Yejoon, unable to face their parents' reaction, left a letter for them and Hankyeol went straight to the point asking their mum to have their breasts removed. Confusion was the first feeling, as both mothers realized they apparently didn't know their children at all.
After his coming out, Yejoon moved to Canada in the hope that being far away would ease things with his parents and he would be freer to live his life in a country where prejudice and social stigma are decidedly not as ingrained as they are back in South Korea. Indeed, Vivian thought it was the right decision for her son's happiness and freedom of expression, but when Yejoon decides to come back to Korea to move in with his boyfriends, more challenges must be faced.
However, without underestimating Vivien's and Yejoon's challenges, Nabi and Hankyeol had to face a much harder reality, a painful path, disseminated with many obstacles. Not only the physical anguish of the breast removal surgery and the hormone treatments, but also the incredible bureaucracy of changing their legal identity from male to female. Incredibly, when Hankyeol applied, it was necessary to have a written parental consent, even as an adult, making it impossible for the majority of transgender people who notoriously are often estranged from their families. Predictably, all this contributes to a number of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. It is harrowing listening to Hankyeol talking of ending their life and being stopped only by the unbearable thought they would die as a female.
Homosexuality – and in general the possession of a gender identity that is not consistent with the sex assigned at birth – is highly stigmatized in South Korean society largely due to the conservative nature of a society based on values that emphasize traditional family structures and heterosexual relationships, making a coming out a hard-to-digest bomb, like it was for Vivian and Nabu. The distress and the pain of LGBTQIA+ individuals coming out to their parents and peers is generally described and talked about more often than the effect that it has on the families, but “Coming to You” wants to own this specific point of view, in particular the mothers', and show their gradual acceptance and their subsequent turn into promotion and activism.
As the documentary demonstrates, sharing with the other parents of PFLAG has played a crucial role for Vivian and Nabi in overcoming the adversities. It alleviated their feelings of isolation and provided emotional support, creating at the same time a sense of belonging and solidarity. Moreover, sharing challenges always fosters collaboration and PFLAG Korea has rapidly grown, from its establishment form in 2014 as a self-help group, to be reformed in 2018 into a human rights advocacy organization, engaging in efforts to enhance awareness, and advocacy of inclusive policies and laws.
“Coming to You”, with its two exceptionally relatable testimonials, is an inspiring account of how mentality, prejudices and social expectations can change and leave space to respect, acceptance and happiness. It is a rather welcome message of hope.
